THE NEXT CHAPTER

I grew up in sunny Clearwater Florida -- where its hot all year until a slight breeze makes its way through the palm trees between November and February. This was my favorite time of the year growing up. After the long, hot, sticky summers it was nice to have a change in the air. I use to walk home from grade school brushing my feet along the pavement, cluttered with newly fallen brown leaves, humming along with the wind as it guided my through my neighborhood to my home. As March rolled around, you could tell the season was changing back into a much missed sunny heaven when the jacarandas bloomed their beautiful lavender buds at the begging of spring. 

I guess I took all those things for granted while living here, because now when I come back to visit, I rush to the beach wondering why I didn’t go there every day of my childhood. I dig my feet into the sand as soft as baby powder, and stare in awe at how crystal clear and blue the water is. Watching the sun glisten off of the sand, making it sparkle, the moment is one of pure perfection. It’s hard to believe my childhood, my past, was in such a place of paradise.

So, after a week of rainy weather in the city, and in the need of some fresh air and sunshine, I packed my bags and booked a flight home.  Being back home seems different this time. It's the first time I have been back since I graduated college, and I can't help but think of the last major step I took in my life 4 years ago, when I graduated high school. I remember feeling on top of the word that summer -- anxious and excited for the future. Now as a college graduate, I'm still anxious for the future, but the excitement I felt in my post high school days is now filled with the dragging dread of realizing I have finally entered the big, bad real world. 

Home, is now just a place where my parents live, and the good old days of running around with my friends, the feeling of infinite happiness in our heart, the taste of freedom on our tongues, is long gone. These friends, who I considered family, are people who I look back fondly on. But now, with time getting the best of us, and life being so altered, I wonder if it would be awkward if I called them for a drink. 

This trip has made me realize how quickly life has changed. I never thought the day would come when I'd drop one dream and pick up another or be completely in love with a born and bred Jewish New Yorker.
 I never imagined I would be able to say I've already traveled the world or say I've started a blog where I'm comfortable spilling my guts to whomever chooses to read. 

But, not everything has changed. I am able to say I still have my 3 best friends, I still am a total romantic and I still am in love with New York City. 

As I lie on the beach now, with my pen and paper in hand, and my head full of thoughts, a group of teenage girls passes my towel -- one with short brown hair styled in a bob reminds me of myself at that age.
If only I could talk to my 18-year-old self, give her a bit of advice (although I don't know if she would listen). I wish I could tell her...

Don't give up, but don't set your hopes too high 

Don't loose sight on who you are, because you are truly a beautiful person inside and out

Continue to smile, to be silly and to keep your chin up 

And continue to always love fiercely. 

I know that 18-year-old girl would expect this 22-year-old to already have it all figured out -- with a career, a ring, and an apartment on Madison Avenue. But I've realized, its okay if I'm not there yet. It's okay that I'm still figuring out what path I'm meant to take in life. I'm confident that when the opportunity arises...it could be tomorrow, it could be next month, it could be in a year (although I hope not)... it will be the right time for me. 

For now, I'm content squishing my feet in the sand, with a rum runner in hand and the ocean only a few steps away. As I listen to the seagulls familiar call to each other overhead,
and feel the Florida sun beam onto my skin turning it into a much missed glowy bronze, I realize I'm more then content -- I'm where I need to be, and I could't be happier.