WHY ARE MEN ON THE SUBWAY SO SLEAZY?

I thought it was just luck or some weird grace from God. 

In the 4 years I had lived in NYC I had never had a weird/ uncomfortable situation happen to me on the subway. As friends told me stories about being splashed in the face with fruit punch by a homeless man and being followed home by a creepy fellow passenger, I felt fortunate that the strange man I have seen riding the 6 train (who I have eyed suspiciously) never choose to spit on me like he has on other young female riders. Of course, I have been inspected at by an unwanted gaze or two, and have had my fair share of cat calls, but nothing that up front effected me. 

Alas, it is NYC, and how long could I truly expect for my luck to run? 

Last Wednesday morning, I woke up to preform my daily routine march to the subway. I was wearing a blue classy cheetah business dress, with heel boots, and no tights -- since the weather was especially nice that day after the long dreadful winter. 

The trains are always crowded in the morning, with people bustling in a hurry to work, and I was crammed in between two men who were pressed up against me. Believe it or not, this is normal behavior, so it was nothing out of the ordinary, and I clutched my purse trying to be aware of any pickpocketers. 

In a tired daze, and in much need of coffee, I found myself zoning out on a subway map, until I felt something against my backside. This wasn't the normal body or bag pressed up against me on my morning subway rides, and it felt almost intentional. I took a deep breath and moved in closer to the seat in front of me, hoping the pressure against my bottom would disappear  For a second it seemed to hover, and then firmly it pressed against me again. To my horror, someone was cupping my ass cheek ! I contemplated turning around to witness the perverted perpetrator, but the train suddenly came to a screeching stop as it approached 42nd street. Too scared to face the truth and create a scene at 9 am, I hoped off and waited for the next train. 

I know, such a chicken move of me! I should have spun around slapped that guy in the face and been on my way, but instead I let him win and walked away ashamed and humiliated. 

What I want to know is: WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH MEN TODAY? What made that man think he could grab my ass just because I was wearing a tight dress? Guys, regardless if they are ugly, rich, poor, white, black, short or fat  slobber over woman, catcalling at us and making us feel uncomfortable like they have a right to. And we as woman have been letting them get away with it.

These guys who have let all chivalry fly out the door have not only stopped being gentlemen, but have taken two steps back. I can not tell you how many times I have rode the train where all the men were seated and all the woman were standing holding on to rails. 

And I get it, we are in a new day in age where things like giving up a seat to a lady on the subway is silly for men, but is it possible that by abandoning these classic gender gestures it has only heightened the distasteful ones commonly used today? 

Just something to think about, ladies. 

And in the odd chance that you've managed to come across a respectable young man -- hold on to him tight!  

WHEN DID ONLINE DATING BECOME FUN?

“It’s called Tinder,” my friend gushed to me over dinner last Tuesday evening. “It’s this new dating game.” 

 I was curious why my girlfriend would be on a dating site since she was currently in a 2 year relationship, but she claimed it was more of something she did for entertainment when bored. “You have to try it out! I’m addicted,” she giggled.

Tinder puts a whole new spin on the dating game. It eliminates the nuisance of having to browse through peoples lengthy bios, and saves you from being bombarded with unwanted email or messages. So, what’s the catch? It’s based solely off of looks! And conveniently it’s an application you can access only on your phone.

Have you ever seen the movie, The Social Network? 

Do you remember how Mark Zuckerberg’s character came up with the idea of Facemash, by comparing two girls side by side and clicking hot or not? 

Well this is basically the concept of Tinder -- minus comparing two different people! Users pick a sexual preference, create a profile, and start playing!

Tinder works strictly through Facebook:

When making your profile it automatically pulls your four most recent profile pictures (you can switch around what profile pictures you want to use if you like), how old you are, and what it says in your about me.

To play it locates local male or females in near distance to you,

and flashes their picture across the screen, where you can pick if you like what you see by clicking on a green heart or if you don’t by clicking on a red x. Then it moves on to the next picture. 

 If you are on the fence on whether someone is cute or not, click on that persons picture to view their 3 other pics, and if you have any mutual Facebook friends and shared interest. 

The nice part? The guy will never find out if you gave him the boot and visa versa. 

The only way he'll know if you said yes is if he said yes to you!

 (Don’t forget -- your face is popping up on guys screens too!) 

And if you did both say yes -- it’s a match! The screen will notify you and ask you if you would like to send a message to that person or keep playing. 

I (of course) immediately downloaded the app to see what all the fuss was about and instantly was just as obsessed as my friend. Aside from the fact that it's just plain fun to look at pics of local guys in the area, it was fun to see who thought I was "hot" as well. 

Being in a relationship myself, I didn't message any of the guys, but the messages I received were hilarious! My favorites include: 

"What's your favorite muppet?" 

"Do you love bacon, because if you don't, don't bother replying." 

And my favorite ... 

"Are you really on tinder at 8pm on a Friday. Wow... Your life must suck!" 

And when I didn't respond the next day he sent : 

"So, how about drinks tonight in the village cutie ?" 

....Um... YEAH RIGHT !

Here's some funny Tinder message attempts I found online: 

How these guys think they can get girls with these awful pick up lines -- I have no idea?! 

But, no fear for the single ladies who really were hoping Tinder would work. 

I happened to get a match with a totally sexy buff 26-year-old who recently graduated from law school. His pictures were perfect -- clean cut (one even had him in a business suit) and none included him with his arms around other girls. We shared intrest of reading, and the TV show 24, and yes he messaged me with a normal "Hey! How are you doing this morning?" 

Sigh...

Alas, I am trying to remain a good girl -- scared that my man would question why I had an account or frightened that one of his friends would come across my profile. So I put my Tinder days to a close.  

Regardless though, I recommend to at least give Tinder a try (single or not) to play for bored laughable fun or in hopes of finally finding love.

MARRIAGE?

After having a talk with my best friend the other night, he brought up how a mutual friend of ours and her new boyfriend were ready to take their relationship to the next level and will probably be engaged within the year. When I commented on how soon young people, in their twentys, seemed to be getting married today, and how ridiculous it seemed, he questioned why my current boyfriend and I hadn't made any sudden moves to tie the knot.

Yes, although all the signs are there (we've been together for two years, my bf's 27 years old, and we basically live together) I explained we are just not ready to take that step! I'm not at a place in my life where I feel the need to rush into something that might not be right for his life or mine, and it has nothing to do with the amount of love we have for each other, or how serious of a relationship we share.

True, life is short. But it's not that short!  So why rush? Contrary to how many young people I see rushing into marriage recently, here are some resons why I don't feel pressured to, and why you might not feel the need to either.

1. Young and In Love

What bothers me the most about young couples rushing into marriage so soon is they loose the concept of youth and what it feels like to be able to fully enjoy their relationship. With marriage comes respnsiblities, money, children, commitment, and routine. You have the greater percentage of your lifetime to worry about thoose things. Now should be about expierencing new things, getting excited about seeing each other, and having fun! With marriage comes a loss of these things, especially after the first two years, so it's important to hold onto your youth and freedom while you can. Years from now you will be missing it. There is something about the saying YOLO. You only live once, so make sure to fully live!

2. Carrer

I was once told that a point comes in your life where you have to choose between three things, but can only have two of them. Those three things are: your friends, your love life, and your career. Being able to have a firm grasp on all these things at the same time is difficult, since they all can be like having full time jobs. No matter how much in love you are part of living your life to the fullest is focusing, first and foremost, on yourself. This factor especially comes into play when thinking about your career. Make sure you and your partner establish your career or career goals before tieing the knot. That way you will never have an excuse of something that held you back, and have something that you can be proud of that's your own accomplishment.

 3. Income/ Family

Here is where the responsibilities, and advantage of having a set career come into play. Marriage means two people joining their lives together, sharing bills together, having a family together, and putting payments on things, all of which is A LOT to think about. Why people who have barley been able to support themselves would want to take on these responsibilities too soon, is beyond me? Of course I want a family one day, but I want thoose things when I'm financially confident so I cannot only be able to give my kids a good life, but live a life financially better then I was raised. And that is the American dream, to always do and be better. True, you can marry without a dime in your pocket and still be happy, but I think there is something in just giving yourself the oppertunity to try to progress and be successful.

4. Moving in Together

Any body who is married will tell you that it is 100% important to live with your significant other before you walk down the asile. You find out a lot about the person you thought you knew so well. Don't be scared, though! In most cases it's things you want to know, so that when the time does come, you'll be prepared of the weird ritual he does in the morning before he leaves for work. Moving in is probably one of the final steps to take before marriage. So, when is it right to make that move? I've always had the dream of moving into an apartment with my three best friends, but I am at that point in my relationship where it probably makes sense for my boyfriend and I to live together. So, what should I do? Get the damn apartment with my friends! If it's something you have always wanted to do, do it for a year, and then move in with your partner. This is where you have to be patient and not worry about the future or rushing into things. If your meant to be with your signifigant other, you will have the rest of your lives to live under the same roof, but not the rest of your life to be able to come home every night and watch your favorite show with your BFF or throw that awesome theme party you always dreamed of having.

5. Divorce

In the past year the divorce rate has gone up exceddingly, and it's highest at ages between 20 and 27. It's no surprise to hear someone is getting a divorce, and in fact, hearing so has become as common as getting married. No one ultimitly wants to get divorced, and the statistics prove that many divorces happen because people marry too soon and too young. When I walk down the aisle I want to be 150% sure that this is the man I am spending the rest of my life with. Your twenties are all about growing up and finding your self. A few years from now, who you are and what you need and want in life might totally be altered from the way you live your life now. Think about it this way, are you the same person you were 5 years ago? 3 years ago? Probably not for either, and thats most likely the same for your partner. You could ultimately be marrying the wrong "mr. right."  If that means waiting 5 more years, then wait 5 more years, but at least you'll know for sure.

I know this is a lot of information to handle, and you probably don't agree with everything I'm saying, but I believe with a lot of young woman who are struggling with this concept, it's a good place to start to form your own opinion and ideas on young couples rushing into something they might not be ready for.

A side note that I want to mention is to not get scared to think or discuss marriage with your boyfriend/ girlfriend, because when that time comes, you want to make sure you ultimitly will want the same things in life, such as a family, pets, what religion you want in the household, and where you want to live. These are topics that could make it or break it, and you don't want to be wasting your time in a relationship that could potential progress into something more if you don't want the same things as that person.
 I also believe its important to make sure that person does see a future with you.

 If you see yourself being with that person down the line, and know you want to wait, you don't want to wait for years to only realize they never saw you in the picture. It's okay to ask, and want answers, and if that person can't give them to you after a few years of being together, maybe they aren't the one for you after all.