MARRIAGE?

After having a talk with my best friend the other night, he brought up how a mutual friend of ours and her new boyfriend were ready to take their relationship to the next level and will probably be engaged within the year. When I commented on how soon young people, in their twentys, seemed to be getting married today, and how ridiculous it seemed, he questioned why my current boyfriend and I hadn't made any sudden moves to tie the knot.

Yes, although all the signs are there (we've been together for two years, my bf's 27 years old, and we basically live together) I explained we are just not ready to take that step! I'm not at a place in my life where I feel the need to rush into something that might not be right for his life or mine, and it has nothing to do with the amount of love we have for each other, or how serious of a relationship we share.

True, life is short. But it's not that short!  So why rush? Contrary to how many young people I see rushing into marriage recently, here are some resons why I don't feel pressured to, and why you might not feel the need to either.

1. Young and In Love

What bothers me the most about young couples rushing into marriage so soon is they loose the concept of youth and what it feels like to be able to fully enjoy their relationship. With marriage comes respnsiblities, money, children, commitment, and routine. You have the greater percentage of your lifetime to worry about thoose things. Now should be about expierencing new things, getting excited about seeing each other, and having fun! With marriage comes a loss of these things, especially after the first two years, so it's important to hold onto your youth and freedom while you can. Years from now you will be missing it. There is something about the saying YOLO. You only live once, so make sure to fully live!

2. Carrer

I was once told that a point comes in your life where you have to choose between three things, but can only have two of them. Those three things are: your friends, your love life, and your career. Being able to have a firm grasp on all these things at the same time is difficult, since they all can be like having full time jobs. No matter how much in love you are part of living your life to the fullest is focusing, first and foremost, on yourself. This factor especially comes into play when thinking about your career. Make sure you and your partner establish your career or career goals before tieing the knot. That way you will never have an excuse of something that held you back, and have something that you can be proud of that's your own accomplishment.

 3. Income/ Family

Here is where the responsibilities, and advantage of having a set career come into play. Marriage means two people joining their lives together, sharing bills together, having a family together, and putting payments on things, all of which is A LOT to think about. Why people who have barley been able to support themselves would want to take on these responsibilities too soon, is beyond me? Of course I want a family one day, but I want thoose things when I'm financially confident so I cannot only be able to give my kids a good life, but live a life financially better then I was raised. And that is the American dream, to always do and be better. True, you can marry without a dime in your pocket and still be happy, but I think there is something in just giving yourself the oppertunity to try to progress and be successful.

4. Moving in Together

Any body who is married will tell you that it is 100% important to live with your significant other before you walk down the asile. You find out a lot about the person you thought you knew so well. Don't be scared, though! In most cases it's things you want to know, so that when the time does come, you'll be prepared of the weird ritual he does in the morning before he leaves for work. Moving in is probably one of the final steps to take before marriage. So, when is it right to make that move? I've always had the dream of moving into an apartment with my three best friends, but I am at that point in my relationship where it probably makes sense for my boyfriend and I to live together. So, what should I do? Get the damn apartment with my friends! If it's something you have always wanted to do, do it for a year, and then move in with your partner. This is where you have to be patient and not worry about the future or rushing into things. If your meant to be with your signifigant other, you will have the rest of your lives to live under the same roof, but not the rest of your life to be able to come home every night and watch your favorite show with your BFF or throw that awesome theme party you always dreamed of having.

5. Divorce

In the past year the divorce rate has gone up exceddingly, and it's highest at ages between 20 and 27. It's no surprise to hear someone is getting a divorce, and in fact, hearing so has become as common as getting married. No one ultimitly wants to get divorced, and the statistics prove that many divorces happen because people marry too soon and too young. When I walk down the aisle I want to be 150% sure that this is the man I am spending the rest of my life with. Your twenties are all about growing up and finding your self. A few years from now, who you are and what you need and want in life might totally be altered from the way you live your life now. Think about it this way, are you the same person you were 5 years ago? 3 years ago? Probably not for either, and thats most likely the same for your partner. You could ultimately be marrying the wrong "mr. right."  If that means waiting 5 more years, then wait 5 more years, but at least you'll know for sure.

I know this is a lot of information to handle, and you probably don't agree with everything I'm saying, but I believe with a lot of young woman who are struggling with this concept, it's a good place to start to form your own opinion and ideas on young couples rushing into something they might not be ready for.

A side note that I want to mention is to not get scared to think or discuss marriage with your boyfriend/ girlfriend, because when that time comes, you want to make sure you ultimitly will want the same things in life, such as a family, pets, what religion you want in the household, and where you want to live. These are topics that could make it or break it, and you don't want to be wasting your time in a relationship that could potential progress into something more if you don't want the same things as that person.
 I also believe its important to make sure that person does see a future with you.

 If you see yourself being with that person down the line, and know you want to wait, you don't want to wait for years to only realize they never saw you in the picture. It's okay to ask, and want answers, and if that person can't give them to you after a few years of being together, maybe they aren't the one for you after all.