GUEST WRITER BIANCA MENDEZ: 2/14

Hey All! 

So, for the big V.Day I am having a fellow writer and friend do an appearance on my blog to tell you about her thoughts on Valentine's Day. This is for all you single girls, or ladies who just want to find meaning in the holiday! I hope everyone is having a great night, and hope you enjoy Ms. Bianca Mendez :) 

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I don’t know what got over me this year, but I am finding myself looking forward to Valentine’s Day. For the past 10 years of my life, I never understood the holiday. 

I’ve said to myself countless of times, “Why do you need ONE holiday to appreciate your love one, when you should do it every day?” Even with my last relationship of three years we never celebrated it, and when I got texts from friends and family celebrating this romantic day, I ignored them or responded with a short “U Too.”

But this year it’s different. Being newly single, I find myself eyeing the delicate heart-shaped box of chocolates and the long stemmed roses. I am suddenly intrigued when people elaborate on their Valentine’s Day plans. I may just wear pink or red this year!! Damn, what has gotten into me?

I used to hate every cliché aspect that came to Valentine’s Day; the romantic weekends, the engagements (excuse me while I vom), and the billions of dollars that men and women shell out for what I call a “Hallmark Holiday.” And what I hated just as much was the multiple Facebook statuses that said “Happy Singles Awareness Day.” But seriously, can you get any more desperate than that? 

Now, while I still think some Valentine’s Day acts are cliché, I find it more appreciating. And now, that I am on a solitary path (and maybe this also has to do with age) , I realized it all doesn’t have to be about embracing a significant lover. 

I am starting to view holidays as milestones, all purposely lined up. The Holiday Spectrum, as I call it, starts with New Years and ends with Christmas. The New Year gives us the opportunity to start fresh, and we travel along the spectrum until the cheery holiday season, when we reflect on how far we’ve come. So, maybe the purpose of Valentine’s Day is a pit stop on the yearly journey to bettering oneself, a reminder to appreciate ourselves and others in a not-so romantic way. 

So for all ladies (or guys) who want to steer clear on the cliché Valentine’s Day celebrations first of all delete immediately the single’s awareness status, and show someone -- or something-- else your love. Maybe on 2/14, you will reconnect with an old friend or get dinner with your best friend and splurge on that decadent dessert or that fancy wine bottle.

Or maybe on 2/14 you will stand in front of the mirror and find something nice to say about that physical feature that you normally can’t stand. And instead of that frantic 5 minute conversation you normally have with your parents – and it’s probably over money—take five or ten extra minutes to talk about something other than that subject.

Just take one moment to think about those over-the-top, maybe what you think “unrealistic”, New Year’s Resolutions and ask yourself “Am I on that path to where I want to be?” Cheesy, perhaps maybe I sound Connie Podesta, but there’s no other way to write it. Just remind yourself that you have 10 more months to complete you goals and that you are always filled with love. 

And what I am doing Valentine’s Day? Probably unwinding with a glass of wine, and counting my blessings.

LOVE STORY

With Valentine's Day around the corner and love being in the air this week, I figured why not write a post on love! I decided what better way to do it then give you a love story. So, this is a little piece that I'm working on in one of my workshops. Hope you enjoy! 

I turn around and there he is. Ebony slits cradled in the shape of a half moon, empty and hauntingly detached, so distinctly prominent from the rest of his face, which appears bright and cherry. I am able to capture the real shadows that lie in the pinkness of his check. Shadows that seem so familiar to mine, I can't hep but stare in dismay. He stands there, hands crammed into his blue jean pockets, shoulders touching his ears, talking animatedly with the pianist, not noticing my existence, not realizing we are both standing here breathing the same air.

When he introduces himself to the class, and inhales to exhale notes pure and crisp, I feel like my whole body has become paralyzed. The song is bland, a popular contemporary song for most baritones, but hearing him sing it is enchantingly beautiful. I wonder how just his voice is able to make me hear the melody for the first time, and it fascinates me how the lyrics have hit me right through the heart, pleading for the song never to end and for him to never stop singing it.

For a moment he catches my eye, and in that moment, I don't see the man who put a gun to his head last week, ready to pull the trigger or the pride stripped from him, because he realized he has little to no money in his bank account or even the painful loneliness which has washed over him, devouring him whole. I don't see any of this when I look at him, because I don't know him to be this man yet. All I know in the quick exchange of a glance is I want to love this man with every being in my body.

Hope you have a Happy Valentine's Day :) 

MARRIAGE?

After having a talk with my best friend the other night, he brought up how a mutual friend of ours and her new boyfriend were ready to take their relationship to the next level and will probably be engaged within the year. When I commented on how soon young people, in their twentys, seemed to be getting married today, and how ridiculous it seemed, he questioned why my current boyfriend and I hadn't made any sudden moves to tie the knot.

Yes, although all the signs are there (we've been together for two years, my bf's 27 years old, and we basically live together) I explained we are just not ready to take that step! I'm not at a place in my life where I feel the need to rush into something that might not be right for his life or mine, and it has nothing to do with the amount of love we have for each other, or how serious of a relationship we share.

True, life is short. But it's not that short!  So why rush? Contrary to how many young people I see rushing into marriage recently, here are some resons why I don't feel pressured to, and why you might not feel the need to either.

1. Young and In Love

What bothers me the most about young couples rushing into marriage so soon is they loose the concept of youth and what it feels like to be able to fully enjoy their relationship. With marriage comes respnsiblities, money, children, commitment, and routine. You have the greater percentage of your lifetime to worry about thoose things. Now should be about expierencing new things, getting excited about seeing each other, and having fun! With marriage comes a loss of these things, especially after the first two years, so it's important to hold onto your youth and freedom while you can. Years from now you will be missing it. There is something about the saying YOLO. You only live once, so make sure to fully live!

2. Carrer

I was once told that a point comes in your life where you have to choose between three things, but can only have two of them. Those three things are: your friends, your love life, and your career. Being able to have a firm grasp on all these things at the same time is difficult, since they all can be like having full time jobs. No matter how much in love you are part of living your life to the fullest is focusing, first and foremost, on yourself. This factor especially comes into play when thinking about your career. Make sure you and your partner establish your career or career goals before tieing the knot. That way you will never have an excuse of something that held you back, and have something that you can be proud of that's your own accomplishment.

 3. Income/ Family

Here is where the responsibilities, and advantage of having a set career come into play. Marriage means two people joining their lives together, sharing bills together, having a family together, and putting payments on things, all of which is A LOT to think about. Why people who have barley been able to support themselves would want to take on these responsibilities too soon, is beyond me? Of course I want a family one day, but I want thoose things when I'm financially confident so I cannot only be able to give my kids a good life, but live a life financially better then I was raised. And that is the American dream, to always do and be better. True, you can marry without a dime in your pocket and still be happy, but I think there is something in just giving yourself the oppertunity to try to progress and be successful.

4. Moving in Together

Any body who is married will tell you that it is 100% important to live with your significant other before you walk down the asile. You find out a lot about the person you thought you knew so well. Don't be scared, though! In most cases it's things you want to know, so that when the time does come, you'll be prepared of the weird ritual he does in the morning before he leaves for work. Moving in is probably one of the final steps to take before marriage. So, when is it right to make that move? I've always had the dream of moving into an apartment with my three best friends, but I am at that point in my relationship where it probably makes sense for my boyfriend and I to live together. So, what should I do? Get the damn apartment with my friends! If it's something you have always wanted to do, do it for a year, and then move in with your partner. This is where you have to be patient and not worry about the future or rushing into things. If your meant to be with your signifigant other, you will have the rest of your lives to live under the same roof, but not the rest of your life to be able to come home every night and watch your favorite show with your BFF or throw that awesome theme party you always dreamed of having.

5. Divorce

In the past year the divorce rate has gone up exceddingly, and it's highest at ages between 20 and 27. It's no surprise to hear someone is getting a divorce, and in fact, hearing so has become as common as getting married. No one ultimitly wants to get divorced, and the statistics prove that many divorces happen because people marry too soon and too young. When I walk down the aisle I want to be 150% sure that this is the man I am spending the rest of my life with. Your twenties are all about growing up and finding your self. A few years from now, who you are and what you need and want in life might totally be altered from the way you live your life now. Think about it this way, are you the same person you were 5 years ago? 3 years ago? Probably not for either, and thats most likely the same for your partner. You could ultimately be marrying the wrong "mr. right."  If that means waiting 5 more years, then wait 5 more years, but at least you'll know for sure.

I know this is a lot of information to handle, and you probably don't agree with everything I'm saying, but I believe with a lot of young woman who are struggling with this concept, it's a good place to start to form your own opinion and ideas on young couples rushing into something they might not be ready for.

A side note that I want to mention is to not get scared to think or discuss marriage with your boyfriend/ girlfriend, because when that time comes, you want to make sure you ultimitly will want the same things in life, such as a family, pets, what religion you want in the household, and where you want to live. These are topics that could make it or break it, and you don't want to be wasting your time in a relationship that could potential progress into something more if you don't want the same things as that person.
 I also believe its important to make sure that person does see a future with you.

 If you see yourself being with that person down the line, and know you want to wait, you don't want to wait for years to only realize they never saw you in the picture. It's okay to ask, and want answers, and if that person can't give them to you after a few years of being together, maybe they aren't the one for you after all.