Today I have this beautiful Tuesday afternoon off to do nothing but be in the quest of a full-time position. Earlier, as I busted out cover letter, after cover letter and tweaked my resume to fit one position verse another, my head started to hurt with the number of possibilities out there, or better, the lack of. As my ice coffee started to turn into a watery milky concoction, the Starbucks air conditioning seemed to turn up higher by the minute and I realized I was already on my third round of changed neighbors... I grabbed my bag and headed to the park for some fresh air, a beautiful view and a chance to sit and give all my attention to you, my readers.
Now, with no wifi to distract me, what exactly is there to say?
Then the word hit me like a ton of bricks...
Routine.
God, how that word scares me. It’s so easy to fall into a routine, and let it effect our daily lives.
I have gotten myself out of the routine of posting due to being preoccupied with finding an apartment, finding a real job, working a lousy job and trying to enjoy some summer sun -- which in the end, all these reasons really just come down to excuses. As each day passes and I tell myself I am going to post that article I wrote on Miley Cyrus or share my one night stand experience, something stops me from sitting down and actually posting. I kept telling myself, “I always have tomorrow,” but, after two months of ‘tomorrows’ it’s time for me to sit down and figure out what really has been stopping me.
Going to work hasn’t helped much either. Like most college grads, I found a difficult time getting a job right out of school. So, for the summer I decided to waitress at a hi-end hotel. Yes, the money was good, but as summer slowly dies down I can’t help but look at my fellow work friends and wonder, how at 29 years-old are they still bartending? That’s when I realized its simple -- they got into the routine of staying in their current situation. As time flew by, so did their fresh work experience as an HR coordinator or Strategic Analyst, and over time, they slowly got into the routine of letting their lives and their potential wash away into nothing. In an effort to not fall into this category -- I quickly told my manager last week to please cut my 40 hours a week down to 15, in order for me to get on track with my life, and to not fall into an unhappy lifestyle.
The most scary part of falling into a bad routine, is letting yourself believe that it’s okay. Its astonishing how much control we have over our brains and how easily we can manipulate them into making ourselves believe we are of less value then we actually are. In my case, I have gotten use to telling myself its all right to let my better judgment get the best of me.
As I stare across the water at Roosevelt Island, I wonder how do I get myself out of the patterns I am so afraid of and into the life I know I am capable of having? This September will be the first time that I am not walking into a classroom. Being an adult is terrifying and this year will be the first year of my life where I decide what I am going to do with it.
I know that if I can just fall into the right routine of telling myself that I am capable of achieving -- than I am one step closer to being the woman I set out to be.
Taking a brief hiatus from writing was tough on me -- I guess I had some soul searching to do. Sometimes it is hard to write when you have so much on your mind that you can’t pick one topic to focus on. But now, readers, I am back, ready to write and better than ever!
xo
xo
