THE DJANGO UNCHAINED PHENOMENON

I know this is completley out of character for my blog, but I wanted to write a post on the movie Django Unchained. With so much excitment amongst the blogging community talking about the critism and approptitness of the film, and being that I am currently studying African American literature, I thought only befitting to write my own opinion.

Django Unchained was my first Quentin Tarantino film. I know! Shocking, right? Not familiar with this award winning directors sense of dark humor and love of gore and blood, I had absolutely no idea what to expect. I think anyone who saw the film in theaters can testify to the fact that from the opening to the closing credits there was a sea of tension that filled the room.

 Even though there was no division of white and black physically in the large AMC theatre, I felt as if all of a sudden, I was very aware of my own race, and for that matter, everyone else’s around me. While tiny chuckles of stiff laughter filled the cinema during certain scenes, I sat squirming in my chair, trying to disappear from the uncomfortable awkwardness that seemed to devour me. Oprah refers to this feeling as the “Django Moment”- when African American viewers feel strange that Caucasian audience members are laughing at the horrible situations depicted in the movie- and although I am a white girl from Clearwater Florida, the Django Moment, seemed to have taken ahold of me! Even the scenes that were supposed to purposefully be comical, like when the ku klux klan members couldn’t see out of their eye holes, didn’t seem all that funny to me.

 I still had the image of the slave rider whipping a black man from the previous scene. The pain in his eyes and the blood down his back seemed ever too real and not too far back in time. As my boyfriend laughed at the hilarious truth of the scene, I shot him looks of annoyance and confusion. I couldn’t understand how he could sit there and not be as sucked into the world of the movie as I was.

All historically accurate and painfully brutal scenes put aside, the part of the movie that struck me the most, was when Calvin Candie, an incredibly wealthy plantation owner portrayed by Leonardo DiCaprio, asked a question so hauntingly obvious, one has to wonder, why it hasn’t been pondered at more. He questions why, with such an enormous and continually growing population, haven’t the black slaves over thrown their southern white owners? What exactly is stopping them? Here lies the curious wonder of the world when it comes to any overthrowing of one groups race, ethnicity, religion, social status, or gender. We see throughout history congregations of people of the same kind wiped out through genocide or slavery and wonder, why didn’t these people fight back? What did they have to lose if their lives were already in danger? With over three fifths of the population being slaves in 1858 alone, DiCaprio’s character poses an engrossing question.

There could be many reasons as to why the slaves didn’t gang together and go above their hardships. One reason could be that they didn’t have the access to resources that whites did- such as guns, dogs, and other auxiliary items to cause harm. Say that they did take over, though? Then what would they do? Having no money of their own and being completely dependent on their masters, the thought of overriding their superiors was probably not only terrifying but unthinkable. The white masters, realizing the population difference, put their slaves through a mental state of mind, making them think they were meant to be slaves. By breaking apart their families, choosing who they’d marry, refusing literacy, preaching that they should obey their masters through religion, and giving them little opportunity to have thoughts and opinions of their own, masters slowly broke down their slave psychologically without the slaves even realizing it. Another concern is the few black slaves that shared a strange kinship with their masters. Samuel L. Jackson’s character, Stephen, is a good example of this.

Even though Stephen is as black as they come, he places himself above his fellow brethren, and looks down on them, as if he was a slave master himself! He hangs on his master Candie’s every word, dresses in nice clothes, and attends visitor’s dinners. Not only involved in the white conversations on the plantation, he also is naturally involved in what the slaves talk about behind closed doors. In the heart wrenching moment where Stephen starts to catch on to Django and Dr. Schultz’s plan to take advantage of Calvin Candie in order to join Django with his wife again, Stephen reports what he sees to Candie, preventing Django from succeeding. As I sat and watched the scene take place before my eyes, I wanted to scream at Stephen, “WHY? Why are you being so evil?” Why did these characters who we read about in stories such as Harriet Jacobs, Incident of a Slave Girl, and Williams Wells Browns, Clotel, go against their own kind in gaining liberty and having the right to their own freedom? Why side with their masters? Maybe it is just for the fact that they look up to them. With their masters powers, money, social status, and overall their heir of being untouchable these loyal slaves respect them. Like we in modern day might idolize a super star or famous athlete, they looked at their white superior’s and wished more than anything to live the life that they did.

By the end of the movie, I was on the edge of my seat with anticipation of when the movie would be over. If I saw one more twenty minute scene of blood squirting out of a body, I would have had to run to the bathroom and vomit! I kept expecting a riot of African Americans to storm the theatre and gun down all white people in retaliation, but maybe that’s me letting my mind get carried away or being too aware of the insane people that seem to be appearing on the news on a regular basis. Although Django might not have been my favorite movie, it was a movie that made me think about the past and the present, and how history has affected the world we live in today. With a strong plot and a powerful ending, this movie opened my eyes to how far we have come as a nation, and how some things in history should be studied but never repeated.

GUEST WRITER BIANCA MENDEZ: 2/14

Hey All! 

So, for the big V.Day I am having a fellow writer and friend do an appearance on my blog to tell you about her thoughts on Valentine's Day. This is for all you single girls, or ladies who just want to find meaning in the holiday! I hope everyone is having a great night, and hope you enjoy Ms. Bianca Mendez :) 

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I don’t know what got over me this year, but I am finding myself looking forward to Valentine’s Day. For the past 10 years of my life, I never understood the holiday. 

I’ve said to myself countless of times, “Why do you need ONE holiday to appreciate your love one, when you should do it every day?” Even with my last relationship of three years we never celebrated it, and when I got texts from friends and family celebrating this romantic day, I ignored them or responded with a short “U Too.”

But this year it’s different. Being newly single, I find myself eyeing the delicate heart-shaped box of chocolates and the long stemmed roses. I am suddenly intrigued when people elaborate on their Valentine’s Day plans. I may just wear pink or red this year!! Damn, what has gotten into me?

I used to hate every cliché aspect that came to Valentine’s Day; the romantic weekends, the engagements (excuse me while I vom), and the billions of dollars that men and women shell out for what I call a “Hallmark Holiday.” And what I hated just as much was the multiple Facebook statuses that said “Happy Singles Awareness Day.” But seriously, can you get any more desperate than that? 

Now, while I still think some Valentine’s Day acts are cliché, I find it more appreciating. And now, that I am on a solitary path (and maybe this also has to do with age) , I realized it all doesn’t have to be about embracing a significant lover. 

I am starting to view holidays as milestones, all purposely lined up. The Holiday Spectrum, as I call it, starts with New Years and ends with Christmas. The New Year gives us the opportunity to start fresh, and we travel along the spectrum until the cheery holiday season, when we reflect on how far we’ve come. So, maybe the purpose of Valentine’s Day is a pit stop on the yearly journey to bettering oneself, a reminder to appreciate ourselves and others in a not-so romantic way. 

So for all ladies (or guys) who want to steer clear on the cliché Valentine’s Day celebrations first of all delete immediately the single’s awareness status, and show someone -- or something-- else your love. Maybe on 2/14, you will reconnect with an old friend or get dinner with your best friend and splurge on that decadent dessert or that fancy wine bottle.

Or maybe on 2/14 you will stand in front of the mirror and find something nice to say about that physical feature that you normally can’t stand. And instead of that frantic 5 minute conversation you normally have with your parents – and it’s probably over money—take five or ten extra minutes to talk about something other than that subject.

Just take one moment to think about those over-the-top, maybe what you think “unrealistic”, New Year’s Resolutions and ask yourself “Am I on that path to where I want to be?” Cheesy, perhaps maybe I sound Connie Podesta, but there’s no other way to write it. Just remind yourself that you have 10 more months to complete you goals and that you are always filled with love. 

And what I am doing Valentine’s Day? Probably unwinding with a glass of wine, and counting my blessings.

LOVE STORY

With Valentine's Day around the corner and love being in the air this week, I figured why not write a post on love! I decided what better way to do it then give you a love story. So, this is a little piece that I'm working on in one of my workshops. Hope you enjoy! 

I turn around and there he is. Ebony slits cradled in the shape of a half moon, empty and hauntingly detached, so distinctly prominent from the rest of his face, which appears bright and cherry. I am able to capture the real shadows that lie in the pinkness of his check. Shadows that seem so familiar to mine, I can't hep but stare in dismay. He stands there, hands crammed into his blue jean pockets, shoulders touching his ears, talking animatedly with the pianist, not noticing my existence, not realizing we are both standing here breathing the same air.

When he introduces himself to the class, and inhales to exhale notes pure and crisp, I feel like my whole body has become paralyzed. The song is bland, a popular contemporary song for most baritones, but hearing him sing it is enchantingly beautiful. I wonder how just his voice is able to make me hear the melody for the first time, and it fascinates me how the lyrics have hit me right through the heart, pleading for the song never to end and for him to never stop singing it.

For a moment he catches my eye, and in that moment, I don't see the man who put a gun to his head last week, ready to pull the trigger or the pride stripped from him, because he realized he has little to no money in his bank account or even the painful loneliness which has washed over him, devouring him whole. I don't see any of this when I look at him, because I don't know him to be this man yet. All I know in the quick exchange of a glance is I want to love this man with every being in my body.

Hope you have a Happy Valentine's Day :) 

MARRIAGE?

After having a talk with my best friend the other night, he brought up how a mutual friend of ours and her new boyfriend were ready to take their relationship to the next level and will probably be engaged within the year. When I commented on how soon young people, in their twentys, seemed to be getting married today, and how ridiculous it seemed, he questioned why my current boyfriend and I hadn't made any sudden moves to tie the knot.

Yes, although all the signs are there (we've been together for two years, my bf's 27 years old, and we basically live together) I explained we are just not ready to take that step! I'm not at a place in my life where I feel the need to rush into something that might not be right for his life or mine, and it has nothing to do with the amount of love we have for each other, or how serious of a relationship we share.

True, life is short. But it's not that short!  So why rush? Contrary to how many young people I see rushing into marriage recently, here are some resons why I don't feel pressured to, and why you might not feel the need to either.

1. Young and In Love

What bothers me the most about young couples rushing into marriage so soon is they loose the concept of youth and what it feels like to be able to fully enjoy their relationship. With marriage comes respnsiblities, money, children, commitment, and routine. You have the greater percentage of your lifetime to worry about thoose things. Now should be about expierencing new things, getting excited about seeing each other, and having fun! With marriage comes a loss of these things, especially after the first two years, so it's important to hold onto your youth and freedom while you can. Years from now you will be missing it. There is something about the saying YOLO. You only live once, so make sure to fully live!

2. Carrer

I was once told that a point comes in your life where you have to choose between three things, but can only have two of them. Those three things are: your friends, your love life, and your career. Being able to have a firm grasp on all these things at the same time is difficult, since they all can be like having full time jobs. No matter how much in love you are part of living your life to the fullest is focusing, first and foremost, on yourself. This factor especially comes into play when thinking about your career. Make sure you and your partner establish your career or career goals before tieing the knot. That way you will never have an excuse of something that held you back, and have something that you can be proud of that's your own accomplishment.

 3. Income/ Family

Here is where the responsibilities, and advantage of having a set career come into play. Marriage means two people joining their lives together, sharing bills together, having a family together, and putting payments on things, all of which is A LOT to think about. Why people who have barley been able to support themselves would want to take on these responsibilities too soon, is beyond me? Of course I want a family one day, but I want thoose things when I'm financially confident so I cannot only be able to give my kids a good life, but live a life financially better then I was raised. And that is the American dream, to always do and be better. True, you can marry without a dime in your pocket and still be happy, but I think there is something in just giving yourself the oppertunity to try to progress and be successful.

4. Moving in Together

Any body who is married will tell you that it is 100% important to live with your significant other before you walk down the asile. You find out a lot about the person you thought you knew so well. Don't be scared, though! In most cases it's things you want to know, so that when the time does come, you'll be prepared of the weird ritual he does in the morning before he leaves for work. Moving in is probably one of the final steps to take before marriage. So, when is it right to make that move? I've always had the dream of moving into an apartment with my three best friends, but I am at that point in my relationship where it probably makes sense for my boyfriend and I to live together. So, what should I do? Get the damn apartment with my friends! If it's something you have always wanted to do, do it for a year, and then move in with your partner. This is where you have to be patient and not worry about the future or rushing into things. If your meant to be with your signifigant other, you will have the rest of your lives to live under the same roof, but not the rest of your life to be able to come home every night and watch your favorite show with your BFF or throw that awesome theme party you always dreamed of having.

5. Divorce

In the past year the divorce rate has gone up exceddingly, and it's highest at ages between 20 and 27. It's no surprise to hear someone is getting a divorce, and in fact, hearing so has become as common as getting married. No one ultimitly wants to get divorced, and the statistics prove that many divorces happen because people marry too soon and too young. When I walk down the aisle I want to be 150% sure that this is the man I am spending the rest of my life with. Your twenties are all about growing up and finding your self. A few years from now, who you are and what you need and want in life might totally be altered from the way you live your life now. Think about it this way, are you the same person you were 5 years ago? 3 years ago? Probably not for either, and thats most likely the same for your partner. You could ultimately be marrying the wrong "mr. right."  If that means waiting 5 more years, then wait 5 more years, but at least you'll know for sure.

I know this is a lot of information to handle, and you probably don't agree with everything I'm saying, but I believe with a lot of young woman who are struggling with this concept, it's a good place to start to form your own opinion and ideas on young couples rushing into something they might not be ready for.

A side note that I want to mention is to not get scared to think or discuss marriage with your boyfriend/ girlfriend, because when that time comes, you want to make sure you ultimitly will want the same things in life, such as a family, pets, what religion you want in the household, and where you want to live. These are topics that could make it or break it, and you don't want to be wasting your time in a relationship that could potential progress into something more if you don't want the same things as that person.
 I also believe its important to make sure that person does see a future with you.

 If you see yourself being with that person down the line, and know you want to wait, you don't want to wait for years to only realize they never saw you in the picture. It's okay to ask, and want answers, and if that person can't give them to you after a few years of being together, maybe they aren't the one for you after all.

OOPS... MY BOYFRIENDS DAD WALKED IN ON ME

This upcoming week is going to be a whirlwind of birthday celebrations for me. Between two of my best friends', my roommate's, my boyfriend's, and then my boyfriend's brother's, I have been trying to balance time between present shopping, scheduling, and planning of parties. 

This year though, the one that is most important to me is my wonderful boyfriend's (who will be turning 27 tomorrow)! Since I was in Europe last year, I wanted to make sure that this year was extra special! 

So, in an effort to plan fun and exciting things for him this whole week, I decided last night that I would surprise him with his first present. As he dropped me off in front of his building to go find a place to park, I went upstairs and let myself into his apartment. I made the bed, lit candles around the room, and put on some new lingerie from Victoria's Secret- a black, see-through bra, and bright red, lace cheekies- sexy and simple. 

Just as I went to dim the lights, I heard the front door open and close, and then a light knock on his bedroom door. Taking a deep breath, I put a sultry smile on my face, and swung the door open. Standing there was my boyfriend's 65-year- old father. If having to witness him give me a full body, head-to-toe glance isn't awkward enough, he then said, "Wow. You are looking great!" 

Grabbing the nearest blanket I could find and covering myself as fast as possible, I managed to give him a thank you and explained that his son was parking the car and would be back soon. Crawling under the covers humiliated, I waited thirty minutes while my guy helped his dad with a cell phone malfunction- his whole purpose for dropping by in the first place.   

Guess I'm not the only one who feels comfortable letting myself into my boyfriend's apartment. 

EPIC LOVE

The bible, or as the rest of the world calls it, Cosmo, recently wrote an article on 'epic love'. Being the love junkie that I am,  I was so intrigued by the article that it inspired me to write my own take on it.

Epic love. Heart stopping, gut-wrenching, all consuming epic love is so hard to find, and once you find it, who's to say you will ever have an intense attraction to someone like that again in your lifetime? To people who have experienced it before, no one can ever make you feel the way that person did. It's an indescribable feeling of passion, the attraction is undeniable, and the sex is usually earth shattering, taking you places you've never been before.

When you hear that persons name you go weak in the knees, and you find yourself doing anything just to get the opportunity to wrap your arms around them or at the least see them. The relationship is so powerful and untouchable at times, that it often ends up shattering into a million pieces, that no matter how hard you try, the pieces will never fit back together perfectly. As stated in Cosmopolitan Magazine, when both parties are perfectly matched, neither partner gives in easily- so when epic lovers butt heads, it can lead to epic destructive arguments.

Sarah*, a close friend of mine, had an epic love that she hasn't been able to overcome for over 7 years. She now finds herself in a serious relationship with a man whom she believes is the one, yet the epic love she once had with her ex Jeff* still lingers in her life, and heart-wrenchingly, in her bed. "I will always love Jeff, but we can never be together again for a number of reasons that you probably don't want to hear about," Sarah confides to me. "He's one of my best friends, but we can't even be in the same room together without wanting to rip off each other's clothing. And now that I'm in a relationship with an incredible guy I truly care for, I feel like a monster, because Jeff has somehow snaked his way back into my life. As much as I don't want him around anymore, I can't say no. I just can't say no to him." 

So, can one truly be blamed for cheating if it's with an epic love? I believe that epic love is something that at times can't be stopped. Sarah has physically cut of all communication with Jeff, in order to save her current relationship. "He'll text me and I won't respond. Then a few weeks later he'll send me some sentimental bs, and even though I know he's full of it, I sometimes can't help but write back. It's like I can't think straight around him!"

Sarah claims that she hasn't spoken to Jeff in months, but how long can she remain strong? Cheating is an awful act to commit, and you might question how anyone could cheat on someone they truly love?
 But if someone, like Sarah, is cheating with an ex, it becomes more excusable in their mind. They don't see it as being awful because not only have they slept with the person before, they slept with them before they even met their current partner. Technically this does not make their actions excusable, but if the cheater realizes what they are doing is wrong and take steps to stop anything from progressing, I believe that it's possible to let one error of judgment go. 

My epic love story is kind of like a modern day Romeo and Juliet, minus anyone dying. Bill* and I come from two different worlds completely, so much so that we could never pursue any type of future together. However, by the time we realized this, it was too late. We were hooked, and have found a way to remain in each other's lives on and off for years. When we were together the connection was electric.

He knows how to pleasure me in ways that I'm afraid no man will ever be able to again. Both of us share the sign of scorpio and our relationship was spicy, intense, and dramatic. When I am with Bill he makes me feel like I'm the most beautiful woman on earth. He understands not only my body perfectly, but my mind. If I was in a bad mood, all he had to do was open his mouth, start talking, and it was like I had just turned on an episode of SNL. Half the time I had no idea what he was saying, but once he got me to start smiling, I couldn't stop.

Yes, Bill was everything I needed physically and at times, emotionally, but mentally and realistically, in every way wrong for me.

The truth is, being with Bill was so painful at times that the agony was too immense to handle. I think that was because our relationship was so extreme in some aspects, that it was too difficult to get the rest of the relationship to match up. And so he got scared, and I got scared. And after much convincing from my family and friends that he was nothing but trouble for me, I finally had to be true to myself and admit that they were absolutely right. I am at my best when I'm not with Bill, and I am afraid that our epic love was so epic that we forgot to state the obvious.

After recently meeting with Bill to catch up, I let the big fat elephant in the room finally come to attention. I admitted how much I really had loved him and how painful it was that in the course of our relationship we'd never said the words to each other. Hearing him say the words I had known all along, that he did love me and always will, was the closure I needed to finally put my love with him to an end.

Epic love is scary, exciting, everlasting, and impossible at the same time.

When I look at girls who have felt like Sarah and I, and who desperately need to close that chapter in their lives, it makes me wonder if what we're feeling is still as fierce as we believe it to be. When you associate one feeling with a person for so long it tends to stick with them so that you can't associate any other feeling with them. And, because you are used to feeling that one emotion for them, it's hard to realize when it's gone and when nothing is left but a distant warn out memory of times gone by.

I will always keep my epic love in a place in my heat, but instead of living in the past, I'm more excited for the future with someone who I know can complete and balance me perfectly.

*Names have been changed